Depression, Stress,Anxiety and A possible eating disorder? Lets talk.

*possible triggering content, please do not read if you’re vulnerable to triggers*
So i know i don’t post as regularly as i should and trust me that makes me feel BAD but i work a lot and when i’m not working i just like to chill…plus the fact that i struggle to actually think of blog content that people might actually want to read. Anyways we’re about to get REAL. No statistical facts, no stereotypical views. Just real life experiences from my life with depression anxiety and all the rest.
Lets start with the big D, calm your filthy minds, I’m talking about depression. Yes i know I’ve already done 2 posts about it, how dare I, but its something that isn’t spoken about enough so here i am talking about it a little more. Let’s start with the basics, depression is not feeling sad because you broke a nail, it’s not being upset because your pet passed away. In fact, those of us that are depressed don’t really feel all that sad at all. I feel numb, an awful sensation of nothingness flowing through my veins, i stare off without realising and then struggle to actually refocus. I feel like everyone around me is moving fast and i’m stuck, not moving at all. It’s easy to smile through this and pretend things are OK, i’m getting good at that now. Then there’s the struggle of actually pursuing the day, getting out of bed, washing, getting dressed can seem like a marathon that isn’t worth running. Some days everything is easy, i can feel again then others days its a fast and hard crash. I feel nothing, but i want to feel something and at the lowest point that’s when i hurt myself. To feel. I won’t go into detail but just know that those of us that have self harmed for reasons other than to gain attention, we feel nothing but guilt after, so we don’t need you to add to that. I believe i have something more than depression, i can be hyper emotional and become overwhelmed with too many emotions and it becomes a real struggle to function. Thankfully i haven’t experienced that lately, i’m in a great place with great, supportive people around me. I’m Ok, in my sense of the words.
Next is stress, i think some people don’t realise that stress can make you ill, it can make you sick, give you headaches and just knock your immune system down. You have to learn what your calming technique is, whether its taking a walk, taking a break from social media, reading a book or doing yoga. TAKE A BREAK. Nothing in this world is worth deteriorating your health for. I’ve had literal mental breakdowns from stress and it’s really not nice. You cant sleep, eat or chill because all you can think about is the thing your stressing about and it drives you insane. So believe me when i say, you need to take that step back.
A is for Anxiety, i’m thankful to say that my anxiety is only mild, but unfortunately its over the smallest, most insignificant things. For example, in my job i have to spend all day talking to customers, answering the phone to people and doing tannoy calls over the shop when i need someone, but when it comes to having to do a tannoy announcement that’s longer than a few words like i’m used to, i physically can not do it, i freeze up and feel like i’m about to throw up. Or when i need to make a phone else where i just cant, it sucks and i wish my brain didn’t work the way it does but don’t we all? Then there’s cooking, i cant bring myself to cook when there’s other people around me other than my mum, weird right? So when my boyfriend is over i just wont eat unless he decides to cook, and i house share so if the others are around i just wont do it, my brain wont let me. I know there’s people out there with much worse conditions of anxiety than me and i know its easier said than done but what i found helps me best is to just force myself to do it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t but you don’t know until you try and you feel so much better if it does work.
Now for the self diagnosed possibility of an eating disorder. I’m not encouraging people to google search there symptoms and diagnose themselves but having previously been on the very edge of one, i know the signs and they’re flashing at me. Now i don’t know if i have body dismorphic disorder, an eating disorder, both or nothing but i’m just gunna share my story. I’ve always been obsessed with my figure and my weight and i had a lot of ‘puppy’ fat when i was younger but i believe this to be the route of my depression, i got to a stage where the only meal i ate was dinner and it wasn’t a big plate. I became skinny, i was happy with myself but i wasn’t healthy, i had blackouts i was underweight and i turned down food i knew would make me gain weight. I was borderline anorexic. I then slowly ate more, gained weight, got to a healthy weight and then started to go past that stage and ended up in the same position as i was in before i lost all the weight. Unhappy, disgusted by myself and looking at food and only seeing ‘i’m gunna make you fat’. That’s where i am now, I can’t bare to see myself in the mirror, i have to either not look or cover them up. I wont wear t-shirts in public, only baggy jumpers regardless of the weather and temperature, because they show my arms and my figure too much. I wont take food because i feel guilty after eating but then sometimes i’ll binge eat crap and feel bad about it later on. Its really hard for me to explain to people just how upset it makes me and how tiring it actually is to feel like this. It’s so emotionally draining. I don’t even know if the way i see myself is actually how i am anymore because sometimes i see myself and a walking dumpling and others as a victoria’s secret model. Its a battle i have with myself everyday and i’m losing. I pray that no one has to go through these feelings but sadly i know that there’s many who do.

Please seek help, and if you’re not the one struggling then keep an eye out for those around you. Some of us are really good at pretending we’re okay.
I’ve started a fundraiser for a young suicide prevention organisation if anyone wants to get involved. I’ll post the link below 🙂

Sincerely, S x

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Let’s Talk: Mental Health 0.2 Getting Through Your Day with Depression

I’m not saying the things I mention will cure your depression, I’m not a doctor and depression is never that simple. I’m not even saying these things will work for everyone. Everybody works differently. I’m just suggesting ways to make living with it just that little bit easier for you, and hopefully, if what i do suggest doesn’t work, you can come up with something that will by using my examples. It’s important to remember that you are not your depression. You are you, the depression is just an unwanted roommate that only your mind can get rid of. So, to live alongside this unwanted roomie of yours until they disappear for good you should find and do things that ease the experience.

One way of doing this is finding your vice. No, i don’t mean smoking, alcohol, or drugs. With a fragile mind these can lead you down a dark path and we really don’t want that. Also, as easy as it is for me to say it, please please please avoid self harming. This isn’t a vice. It’s a way of punishing yourself when you have no reason to. I know, I’ve been there. Having so many emotions bottled up that that’s the only way you can think of expressing them, or not being able to feel at all and harming yourself is the one way you can feel something. But this isn’t living with it, or escaping it. It’s giving the depression more power over yourself than you have. You are strong, you are caring and you can get through this. Your body is a temple, don’t destroy it. Worship it.

For me, my vice is listening to music, in headphones, in my own company. It’s one of the very few occasions that I  feel fully and completely happy. I can’t even begin to explain how important music is to me and how so many bands have helped me through the worst times of my life. I also like to draw, having my mind set on just completing the picture is often enough to keep it of the numbing thoughts. Unfortunately though, it requires motivation and time and I often have one without the other. So finding a hobby that you enjoy will really help, it could be walking, hiking, swimming, doing some photography in your spare time, blogging like me, or something artsy. Whatever suits you best but the worst thing for you to do when you have free time to sit around doing nothing, as much as everyone needs to relax from time to time, sitting with just your thoughts isn’t good for anyone.

Another idea would be to see friends as often as possible, don’t push people away, don’t distance yourself. They’ll be there when you need them and having a good time is more than enough to keep your mind off of other things. Plus, knowing they are enjoying your company makes you feel wanted and confident and just overall happy.

Now the boring but vital part. If your physical health begins to drop then your mental health will just follow, keep physically healthy and trust me it’ll make a difference. You’ll feel less tired, run down and weak just by making sure you’re well rested. I’m not saying loads of sleep will make you feel completely better but it will stop you feeling worse as a result of tiredness and you’ll have the energy to be able to deal with overwhelming feelings that could happen through out the day. Eating healthy and being more psychically active will help you feel confident in yourself, happy from the endorphins you’ll realise and you’ll feel accomplished from sticking to something. The activity doesn’t have to be a major sport and you don’t have to cut everything out of your diet, just a gentle activity like a small jog, a walk or yoga will do and no eating quite as much junk as you usually would. Whatever you do you should make sure you choose something you enjoy so that you are more likely to stick to it, there’s no point in choosing something you don’t enjoy and forcing your self to do it. Lastly, make sure you LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, this includes all the simple tasks, getting out of bed, showering and keeping up your personal hygiene, staying hydrated, sleeping at good times, eating, staying motivated, these small tasks can improve your mood unexpected amounts.

Sorry for the long post but i  really hope these posts are giving at least one person some help. As always i’m always available to talk to about anything, even if you just want me to listen. My Twitter; @_omgsxph.

P.s There’s this really cute self care App called Aloe Bud and it lets you choose tasks that you want to make sure you do and set reminders for you to do them. It’s helped me a lot and i’ve only had it 3 days! Would definitely recommend 😀

 

Sincerely, S x

Let’s Talk: Toxic Relationships

I know I said once a week I’d do these “lets talks” but I finally have a day off and time to write one so I thought why not!

Toxic relationships are so common which breaks my heart in all honesty. Don’t be fooled and think that they’re just in romantic relationships either, is just as possible to have a toxic friendship and you need to be able to know when you’re in one so you can get out of it.

These types of relationships can be the starter of mental illnesses like depression, borderline personality disorder and anxiety so it’s important to get yourself out and cut the toxicity out of your life before your mental state deteriorates.

Please note that even though I am and will be talking from a female perspective in a heterosexual relationship, both men and women can be victims of it and they can happen in all types of relationships.

I’m going to talk about the signs that you’re in a TR but also the positives of getting out.

Do they make you feel guilty about innocent things? Such as wearing certain clothing and spending time with other friends? This is NOT ok. Do you find yourself apologising for having feelings because they upset you yet made you look like the bad guy? NOT ok. Do you feel like you’re isolated, spending time with only them yet they can do whatever they want, see whoever they want? NOT OK. I spent a lot of time apologising because I was told i should “hide my feelings because it might upset that person” but that’s not okay. It drove me into a self harming state where I was then told i was “pathetic”. Crying in front of people meant that I was “attention seeking”. WRONG. A lot of this is control and it’s 100% not ok.

You need to be able to voice you concerns, your feelings, anything. If you can’t do so without feeling bad or without being belittled then that’s not a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships include communication, and being able to talk to each other without an issue and coming to understandings. In a friendship, if you feel your friend is being out of line you should be able to say so without it being turned round back onto you. Same in a relationship and your s/o should care enough for you to do this.

Thankfully I have not experienced a physically toxic relationship but there are plenty around. If you do not feel safe with that person then you need to find your escape. I know sometimes it can be scary but you need to find someone to reach out to and they will help. I also understand that sometimes in a relationship that is psychologically unhealthy it is hard to walk away because you feel like you need someone and they always know just the right thing to say to make you stay. Trust me, you don’t need them. You feel like if you leave you’ll feel alone and you’re not prepared to feel like that. You know that when the times are bad they’re awful but when they’re good, they’re amazing and that’s what you hold onto but you need to think more about the negative side because you need to put yourself first. Being alone and feeling alone can be horrible yes but once you push through that stage (and you will because you’re strong) you will feel so much better. You’ll start to love yourself when you didn’t before because of how little they made you feel. You’ll find happiness in yourself and then you can, not find happiness in someone else , but share your happiness with someone else. You need to stop the want and need to repair the relationship and accept that it’s not good for you, always put yourself and your mental state first.

Another sign is fighting, yes of course every kind of relationships has its quarrels but when it gets to the point where it’s constant and about the tiniest things, that’s when it’s abnormal. When you feel like everything you do causes an argument because it’s “not okay” that’s a problem. Walk away. The best thing for you to do is walk away, no matter how hard.

The most obvious one is that you’re miserable, all the time. You’ll pretend like your relationship is going amazing to other people but behind closed walls you’re down, sad, walking on eggshells to avoid another argument. Sometimes you’ll be happy because you’ll have that one good day that’s amazing but then it’s back to the same routine.

No one is worth wrecking your mental state over. No matter how much you love them or think you love them, you need to cut ties to any negativity to help you live your best life. If they cared the same way they wouldn’t treat you the way they do. It’s the actions of people that show how they feel, remember that.

Please put yourself first, if you need help please seek it, there’s so many people that will help if you reach out. I’m here to talk to anyone too.

Thank you

S x

twitter: @_omgsxph

Let’s Talk: Mental Health

Hello everyone! Something different this time. I’ve decided that, although I love makeup and all things beauty related, beauty isn’t an ‘important’ topic. I’m going to be posting “let’s talk” posts at least once a week, I hope, on topics that people can hopefully relate to. Today’s one is as it says in the title, mental health.

I can’t begin to express just how important having good mental health is. People seem to not care about it because it’s not physical and you “cant see it”. In reality you can see it, if you actually pay attention to those around you and realise what you are seeing, you can see it so easily and this is what we need to do more.

That boy who throws up when he’s in a group of people he doesn’t really know? He’s suffering with severe anxiety. That girl who seems “moody”, “anti social”, tired and “out of it”? She’s suffering form depression and is likely feeling like she’s all alone. People ignore these signs but they’re the ones we need to look out for.

As a sufferer of both depression and anxiety I know how overwhelming it can feel and just how lonely it can feel at the same time. I’m thankful I have a level of anxiety I can cope with, I just get anxious of the REALLY silly things like playing games in front of people. But these aren’t irrational and it’s important to remember that just because you don’t see the reason to be worried, doesn’t mean its an irrational fear. Don’t make someone feel little about something they feel is a big deal.

As for depression, there’s so many small signs you can look out for in someone to know whether they may have it or not. Knowing them means you can offer help or be someone they can talk to. It can be incredibly hard for a sufferer to just go about their daily lives. They’ll often find it hard to get out of bed for reason they can’t explain and when they do it’s a great accomplishment to them. Here’s a few things to look out for in your loved ones and nearest and dearest:

• being down and withdrawn

• constantly tired

• irritable

• lack of motivation (usually to do with getting out of bed or doing daily things such as showering)

• seeming “zoned out”

• losing interest in things that usually make them happy

• low sex drive

• change in eating habits (overeating or losing appetite)

As for anxiety signs, they’re different for different people but the common ones are panic attacks and feeling/being sick.

Having a mental health problem is often just as bad as having a physical health problem and some people are suffering a lot more, finding it a lot harder to come out of it. Many believe that death is the only way out. If you look out for the signs, listen to people and provide support you can make someone life a much less lonely place. However, do not let someone with poor mental health manipulate you into thinking you have to revolve around them otherwise they’ll hurt themselves. This will only bring you down too.

Just look, listen and let’s end the stigma and drop the suicide statistics.

Thank you

Sincerely, S x

New Year, Better Me!

HELLO everyone! Happy new year, hope everyone is well and had a good end to 2017. It is me, I am back after having a very long time off to sort myself out and you know what? I am feeling amazing for it! I can not stress enough how important your mental health is so if you need to take that time for yourself then do it, you’ll feel so so much better for it! 

I am so happy to be back and very excited to have been placed on the shortlist to work with some brands which has led to a very exciting opportunity for me but i’ll talk more about that in my next post…no spoilers yet!

Anyways this was just a small post to let you all know i am back and creating new content so..

Watch this space!

 

Sincerely, S x

Guess Who’s Back?

HEY GUYS!

S here, ad after 3 looooong months of sorting myself out and getting my head in the right place i am back and ready to blog again!

Comment below any requests of posts you have! 

Until next time..

Sincerely, S xo

I’m Back!

Hey guys so as i’m sure you’re aware, i have been absent the last month or so and haven’t posted anything, despite the promise of a review post! I’m so super sorry about that, i had multiple things going on and needed to sort my problems out and make sure i was mentally okay so i could get back to doing what i love-blogging.

BUT i can assure you i am back and i will be posting again! Starting with the review post of the Flawless palette by Make up revolution! It’s fabulous i highly recommend!

So goodbye until the next post!

Sincerely, S x