why I’ve been so inactive with blog posting…

hey guys, so I decided I owe it to anyone who actually reads this, if there is any, why I haven’t been so consistent with posting lately, I know this seems to be a regular thing for me but I genuinely am sorry and that isn’t how I wanted my blog to be.

I find myself in a constant battle with my depression and other things I may or may not have and that makes me lack the motivation to write. trust me, I want to be writing, I want to create great content and reach more audiences and have people enjoy it but it’s so hard. I’m not trying to create excuses I just want people to understand, if you have depression then I’m, sure you’ll understand just fine but if you don’t I guess its a little harder.

speaking about mental health, a couple of days ago was mental health awareness day , and as much as I’m happy with everyone bringing attention to it I would just like to remind people that those who are suffering typically suffer every single day and not just on that day, they need support everyday. Now I’m not saying it’s anyone job to fix people, you can’t fix people they have to do that themselves but if you’re strong enough to support someone who is trying to better themselves or at least wants to, then why not?

just being an open do for someone to walk through, being there to listen can sometimes be enough. End the stigma.

S x

twitter – _omgsxph

insta- _heyitssophiee_

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Depression, Stress,Anxiety and A possible eating disorder? Lets talk.

*possible triggering content, please do not read if you’re vulnerable to triggers*
So i know i don’t post as regularly as i should and trust me that makes me feel BAD but i work a lot and when i’m not working i just like to chill…plus the fact that i struggle to actually think of blog content that people might actually want to read. Anyways we’re about to get REAL. No statistical facts, no stereotypical views. Just real life experiences from my life with depression anxiety and all the rest.
Lets start with the big D, calm your filthy minds, I’m talking about depression. Yes i know I’ve already done 2 posts about it, how dare I, but its something that isn’t spoken about enough so here i am talking about it a little more. Let’s start with the basics, depression is not feeling sad because you broke a nail, it’s not being upset because your pet passed away. In fact, those of us that are depressed don’t really feel all that sad at all. I feel numb, an awful sensation of nothingness flowing through my veins, i stare off without realising and then struggle to actually refocus. I feel like everyone around me is moving fast and i’m stuck, not moving at all. It’s easy to smile through this and pretend things are OK, i’m getting good at that now. Then there’s the struggle of actually pursuing the day, getting out of bed, washing, getting dressed can seem like a marathon that isn’t worth running. Some days everything is easy, i can feel again then others days its a fast and hard crash. I feel nothing, but i want to feel something and at the lowest point that’s when i hurt myself. To feel. I won’t go into detail but just know that those of us that have self harmed for reasons other than to gain attention, we feel nothing but guilt after, so we don’t need you to add to that. I believe i have something more than depression, i can be hyper emotional and become overwhelmed with too many emotions and it becomes a real struggle to function. Thankfully i haven’t experienced that lately, i’m in a great place with great, supportive people around me. I’m Ok, in my sense of the words.
Next is stress, i think some people don’t realise that stress can make you ill, it can make you sick, give you headaches and just knock your immune system down. You have to learn what your calming technique is, whether its taking a walk, taking a break from social media, reading a book or doing yoga. TAKE A BREAK. Nothing in this world is worth deteriorating your health for. I’ve had literal mental breakdowns from stress and it’s really not nice. You cant sleep, eat or chill because all you can think about is the thing your stressing about and it drives you insane. So believe me when i say, you need to take that step back.
A is for Anxiety, i’m thankful to say that my anxiety is only mild, but unfortunately its over the smallest, most insignificant things. For example, in my job i have to spend all day talking to customers, answering the phone to people and doing tannoy calls over the shop when i need someone, but when it comes to having to do a tannoy announcement that’s longer than a few words like i’m used to, i physically can not do it, i freeze up and feel like i’m about to throw up. Or when i need to make a phone else where i just cant, it sucks and i wish my brain didn’t work the way it does but don’t we all? Then there’s cooking, i cant bring myself to cook when there’s other people around me other than my mum, weird right? So when my boyfriend is over i just wont eat unless he decides to cook, and i house share so if the others are around i just wont do it, my brain wont let me. I know there’s people out there with much worse conditions of anxiety than me and i know its easier said than done but what i found helps me best is to just force myself to do it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t but you don’t know until you try and you feel so much better if it does work.
Now for the self diagnosed possibility of an eating disorder. I’m not encouraging people to google search there symptoms and diagnose themselves but having previously been on the very edge of one, i know the signs and they’re flashing at me. Now i don’t know if i have body dismorphic disorder, an eating disorder, both or nothing but i’m just gunna share my story. I’ve always been obsessed with my figure and my weight and i had a lot of ‘puppy’ fat when i was younger but i believe this to be the route of my depression, i got to a stage where the only meal i ate was dinner and it wasn’t a big plate. I became skinny, i was happy with myself but i wasn’t healthy, i had blackouts i was underweight and i turned down food i knew would make me gain weight. I was borderline anorexic. I then slowly ate more, gained weight, got to a healthy weight and then started to go past that stage and ended up in the same position as i was in before i lost all the weight. Unhappy, disgusted by myself and looking at food and only seeing ‘i’m gunna make you fat’. That’s where i am now, I can’t bare to see myself in the mirror, i have to either not look or cover them up. I wont wear t-shirts in public, only baggy jumpers regardless of the weather and temperature, because they show my arms and my figure too much. I wont take food because i feel guilty after eating but then sometimes i’ll binge eat crap and feel bad about it later on. Its really hard for me to explain to people just how upset it makes me and how tiring it actually is to feel like this. It’s so emotionally draining. I don’t even know if the way i see myself is actually how i am anymore because sometimes i see myself and a walking dumpling and others as a victoria’s secret model. Its a battle i have with myself everyday and i’m losing. I pray that no one has to go through these feelings but sadly i know that there’s many who do.

Please seek help, and if you’re not the one struggling then keep an eye out for those around you. Some of us are really good at pretending we’re okay.
I’ve started a fundraiser for a young suicide prevention organisation if anyone wants to get involved. I’ll post the link below 🙂

Sincerely, S x

Let’s Talk: Toxic Relationships

I know I said once a week I’d do these “lets talks” but I finally have a day off and time to write one so I thought why not!

Toxic relationships are so common which breaks my heart in all honesty. Don’t be fooled and think that they’re just in romantic relationships either, is just as possible to have a toxic friendship and you need to be able to know when you’re in one so you can get out of it.

These types of relationships can be the starter of mental illnesses like depression, borderline personality disorder and anxiety so it’s important to get yourself out and cut the toxicity out of your life before your mental state deteriorates.

Please note that even though I am and will be talking from a female perspective in a heterosexual relationship, both men and women can be victims of it and they can happen in all types of relationships.

I’m going to talk about the signs that you’re in a TR but also the positives of getting out.

Do they make you feel guilty about innocent things? Such as wearing certain clothing and spending time with other friends? This is NOT ok. Do you find yourself apologising for having feelings because they upset you yet made you look like the bad guy? NOT ok. Do you feel like you’re isolated, spending time with only them yet they can do whatever they want, see whoever they want? NOT OK. I spent a lot of time apologising because I was told i should “hide my feelings because it might upset that person” but that’s not okay. It drove me into a self harming state where I was then told i was “pathetic”. Crying in front of people meant that I was “attention seeking”. WRONG. A lot of this is control and it’s 100% not ok.

You need to be able to voice you concerns, your feelings, anything. If you can’t do so without feeling bad or without being belittled then that’s not a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships include communication, and being able to talk to each other without an issue and coming to understandings. In a friendship, if you feel your friend is being out of line you should be able to say so without it being turned round back onto you. Same in a relationship and your s/o should care enough for you to do this.

Thankfully I have not experienced a physically toxic relationship but there are plenty around. If you do not feel safe with that person then you need to find your escape. I know sometimes it can be scary but you need to find someone to reach out to and they will help. I also understand that sometimes in a relationship that is psychologically unhealthy it is hard to walk away because you feel like you need someone and they always know just the right thing to say to make you stay. Trust me, you don’t need them. You feel like if you leave you’ll feel alone and you’re not prepared to feel like that. You know that when the times are bad they’re awful but when they’re good, they’re amazing and that’s what you hold onto but you need to think more about the negative side because you need to put yourself first. Being alone and feeling alone can be horrible yes but once you push through that stage (and you will because you’re strong) you will feel so much better. You’ll start to love yourself when you didn’t before because of how little they made you feel. You’ll find happiness in yourself and then you can, not find happiness in someone else , but share your happiness with someone else. You need to stop the want and need to repair the relationship and accept that it’s not good for you, always put yourself and your mental state first.

Another sign is fighting, yes of course every kind of relationships has its quarrels but when it gets to the point where it’s constant and about the tiniest things, that’s when it’s abnormal. When you feel like everything you do causes an argument because it’s “not okay” that’s a problem. Walk away. The best thing for you to do is walk away, no matter how hard.

The most obvious one is that you’re miserable, all the time. You’ll pretend like your relationship is going amazing to other people but behind closed walls you’re down, sad, walking on eggshells to avoid another argument. Sometimes you’ll be happy because you’ll have that one good day that’s amazing but then it’s back to the same routine.

No one is worth wrecking your mental state over. No matter how much you love them or think you love them, you need to cut ties to any negativity to help you live your best life. If they cared the same way they wouldn’t treat you the way they do. It’s the actions of people that show how they feel, remember that.

Please put yourself first, if you need help please seek it, there’s so many people that will help if you reach out. I’m here to talk to anyone too.

Thank you

S x

twitter: @_omgsxph

Big Collective Haul! Superdrug&Primarko

Hello everybody! Hope you’re all well. So I’ve been on a couple of shopping trips and I’ve been gathering items and products up now so I decided to do a sort of collective haul. The majority is actually makeup but there’s a couple other bits from primark which aren’t that I’ll include at the end.

Let’s get started! So first up I was SO excited when I saw that E.l.f was actually in the Superdrug store because for some reason I thought it was only on the website, not sure why but I really wanted to try some of their products. I picked up the primer in the moisturising version (£7.50), the Lip Exfoliator in ‘Sweet Cherry’ (£4.50) (it’s smells amazing!), I also got the brow cream in ‘medium brown’ (£5.00) and the cream eyeliner in black (£4.50). I can’t wait to test these products out and if you want a review post on any of these products please let me know in the comments☺️

Next I noticed that Nip and Fab had a half price sale on and I’ve been really wanting to try their products but the prices always threw me off. Whilst they had the sale on I decided to pick up the powder contour palette in Light (£7.50, usually £15) Again, if you want a post of reviewing this then let me know!

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I picked up a back up of the MUA kohl eyeliner pencil in black because it’s literally £1 and so pigmented, it’s something I use daily so having a back up comes in handy. I also picked up the new Prism Loose Powder Highlighter in ‘Oceanic Wonder’ and I swear when I opened it and some of it like puffed up it was SO pretty like a unicorn sneeze. Weird description, I know, but that’s the only way I can explain it.

I don’t really wear foundation but I thought I’d invest in one that quite a few people have spoken about, I picked up the L’Oréal True match foundation in 1.N Ivory because I have quite pale skin but natural undertones, I tried it today and it’s actually a really good match, it doesn’t feel dry on my skin which it good because I have dry skin anyways so I didn’t want anything too matte else all the patches show up. I really like this foundation, it’s not heavy either it’s very lightweight doesn’t feel cakey at all, I love it.

I am a sucker for the products and things they put by the checkouts and when I saw three baskets full of Models Own products for just £1.12 each (I know right?!) I had to have a look and pick some bits up! I mean, at that price it doesn’t even matter if they turn out to be a bit rubbish. I picked up the Tea Tree Healer Concealer in the shade 02 which is fairly light but not too light. I picked up a ‘Lix’ which is a Liquid matte Lipstick, in the shade ‘Raspberry Mojito’ which is quite a nice purple, a ‘Luxestick’ matte lipstick in the shade ‘Ciao’ which is a lovely pinky/red shade and finally a Sculpt and Glow highlighter stick in the shade Incandescent 03. It’s a purple toned highlighter but not so purple that, that’s all you see. I’m really happy with these little bargains and can’t wait to try them out to see if they’re actually really good or if they’re worth the price.

This post is much longer than I thought it was going to be and part of me wishes I did YouTube vids so that you guys could listen rather than having to read all of these but I just don’t have the confidence for that even though I’ve wanted to start a channel for SO long now.

Anyways the next brand I went to was Freedom makeup. Freedom is by the same company as Makeup Revolution called Tam Beauty and both brands are SO good and super affordable. I think I own enough Makeup Revolution to own a pop up shop but that’s besides the point! I picked up one of their empty palettes (£3) because they were also doing half price on some items so I grabbed a load of the eyeshadow, contour and highlight pans to go with it. I got 1 contour pan in shade number 2 which is a cool toned contour shade perfect for paler people like me. I got a pack of 3 highlight pans in the shades ‘Side Chick’, ‘Oh Boy’ and ‘Trust Issues’ (LOVE the names btw) they’re the more golden toned highlighters, the other pack was more pink toned. I also picked up a pack of 5 eyeshadow pans in the shades ‘Delicious’, ‘Sugar Rush’, ‘Icing’, ‘Brown Sugar’ and ‘So sweet’. This pack was quite a neutral set with two pale shades for setting your primer then three browns for transitions and darkening the crease for a natural look. There were singles eyeshadow pans too so I picked up two in the shade 9 (matte) and shade 8 (shimmer). I needed some new brow products so I picked up their duo brow powder in medium brown, usually I would’ve picked up the shade Taupe but I think they’ve discontinued that shade so I mix the two shades in this one instead.

You can never have too many brushes right? So I picked up the Real Techniques luxury edition Ultimate eyes brush set and honestly I couldn’t believe it was only £7.49!! It comes with 5 brushes in total, including 2 exclusives brushes which are the essential crease brush and the eye liner brush, and also exclusive to this set is the mirror to go case which is going to come in handy when I go away in a few weeks. But can you believe the whole set was only £7.49?! I can’t!! My boyfriend also bought me the Powder Brush and the Sponge from the Brush Crush collection but I’m not allowed them until Valentine’s Day because they’re gifts😬 but I’m so excited to use them😍.df879197-11fb-4c9c-90c8-cdb56b4ea6e5

That’s the Superdrug part over and done with FINALLY, now a few bits I got from primark. First of all I picked up a oversized makeup bag so I can put all my beauty bits in one place when I go away, I love the pattern and the colours of it and this was just £5. I also picked up a plastic container for my cotton pads I used for makeup removing, I was honestly to excited when I saw it (sad I know) because I was tired of having a massive pack of cotton pads lying around and now they’re tidy and look nice on my vanity. Then I picked up three lip products because I was curious about the quality of Primark makeup and some of it was on sale so I just grabbed a few to try out. I picked up a Satin finish liquid lipstick (£1) in the shade ‘Selfie’ which is a cool toned purple shade, I then picked up a metallic liquid lipstick lip kit (£1) in the shade ‘Dynamite’, a deep purply red shade, and a Matte liquid lipstick (£3) in the shade ‘Flutter’, a cool toned nude pink. And finally I picked up some fluffy socks because when I’m at home I always have cold feet and these are my go to so I always pick some up as they’re so affordable.

So that’s all for this post, I hope you guys enjoy reading it. Let me know in the comments if you want swatches or reviews of anything in the post!

Sincerely, S x

twitter: @_beautybyS

instagram; @_heyitssophiee_

Marc Jacobs Beauty X John Lewis Un-boxing and Review

Hey guys! Hope you’re all doing well and having a good start to the year. This post is very exciting to me because its a review on the Marc Jacobs Beauty Highliner Matte Gel Eyeliners. I was SO excited when i found out i was going to be receiving these in the post it was like Christmas all over again!

Marc Jacobs Highliners retail and £20 each but honestly i think they’re so worth it. There’s 12 shades all together, all amazing looking shades. I received the colours ‘Earthquake’ and ‘Pink of Me’ and both are so pigmented, Earthquake is slightly more pigmented as you can expect from the darker of the shades but both are still very pigmented. I am honestly in LOVE with these eyeliners, the formula is so creamy, they just glide on and they’re so long wearing once they set. You could literally cry all day and walk through a rainstorm and they wouldn’t budge and add such a nice pop off colour to your looks.

The only downside to these is that they’re twist up pencils so you cant really sharpen them, meaning that it’s harder to produce more precise looks like winged eyeliner when the tip becomes less pointed. Other than that pointer, these guys are flawless in my eyes and i am so so grateful and happy i got to try them out.

 

 

*Disclosure, I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes*

Hope you guys enjoyed this post and I’ll be back again soon!

 

Sincerely, S x

New Year, Better Me!

HELLO everyone! Happy new year, hope everyone is well and had a good end to 2017. It is me, I am back after having a very long time off to sort myself out and you know what? I am feeling amazing for it! I can not stress enough how important your mental health is so if you need to take that time for yourself then do it, you’ll feel so so much better for it! 

I am so happy to be back and very excited to have been placed on the shortlist to work with some brands which has led to a very exciting opportunity for me but i’ll talk more about that in my next post…no spoilers yet!

Anyways this was just a small post to let you all know i am back and creating new content so..

Watch this space!

 

Sincerely, S x

How to relax after a long/hard day

Hello my lovelies! Hope you’re all having a fab week! Today’s post is about relaxing after a long or hard day. Everyone needs to relax every now and then so here are 5 ways you can do just that!

  1. I’ll start of with how i relax, I’ll usually come home put on some comfy chilling clothes and make a cup of tea. Especially in the winter months, a hot cup of tea and comfy clothes is a nice way to just relax in the evenings. I also light a scented candles because candles make me feel more relaxed and the smell are really nice too.
  2. Have a warm/hot shower or bath, take your time and then get into comfort clothes and take a nap or just relax in bed or on the sofa.
  3. Sit down for the evening and watch your favourite show or movie, either by yourself or with your friend/partner. Seems simple but it is a really good way to unwind.
  4. Colouring, you’ve probably all seen those adult colouring books that everyone loves, right? They are actually really good stress relievers. I often colour in the evenings and it really does help relax me.
  5. Meditate, i don’t do this personally, but meditation is a widely known way of relaxing, i would recommend just giving it a try!

So these are 5 ways i thought of, that you could relax after a long or hard day. Feel free to comment below if your have your own ways that other people could try!

Also my Q&A requests are still open i’ve only been asked 2 questions so would love some more from you guys!

Sincerely, S x