Grief

Hey there, I know its been a hella long time, mainly because i WAS planning on starting up youtube, but then my stupid low self-esteem and life got in the way. I still plan to start-up my channel and will be doing so in the next few weeks but for now, here’s a little post of grief.

My nan passed on April 26th this year, completely sudden, no illnesses, no reason to prepare ourselves, nothing. Anyone who knows me, knows that my nan was my absolute idol, I adored her. I was closer to her than anyone else in my family and i loved her so so so dearly. When i found out she had passed i was actually really ill, I’d lost my voice. But boy did i find it again, screaming, crying, trying to comfort my mum down the phone. The worst time of my life so far, easily. I was even the one who had to break it to my brother, who was actually nearly the one who found her dead. Anyone who has lost a close one knows how hard it really is, and of course everyone deals with it differently.

For me, I couldn’t cope, i couldn’t function. Non stop crying and sinking into the worst place i could be mentally but at the same time wanted to stand strong because of my mum and my younger sister. For my brother it meant seeming fine, but taking anger out on things when he was away from us (he’s autistic and has adhd) so the first thing i want to say about grieving is that just because someone seems ok, it really doesn’t mean that they are. I wanted to be around my family for about a week, only left their house to go home and sleep and then i was straight back in the morning, helping plan, helping out where i can. Crying every time i was home.

To cope with these heavy emotions I decided to focus on my uni deadline which was a week after i found out, because she’d want me to do well, i then came up with a summer project to keep myself busy and so i started to paint. I never painted properly before, hated it in school but i found these relatively good skills as i started top paint her favourite bird, Puffins. Keeping my mind busy helped but it didn’t stop the overwhelming tears that came when night fell. I think the best advice i could give to someone who’s grieving is to just accept it, accept your feelings, let it out because if you bottle it up it’ll only build and build and then come out in a bad wave later on in life. Talk to people, tell them how you feel, they will validate your feelings and make sure you know it’s ok to feel how you do, stay away from people who don’t do this.

I also designed the funeral order of service for her and for people to take home and keep, this made me feel better because I felt like i was doing one last good thing for her.

There are so many resources and sites you can use as well, there’s always someone there to help with your grieving, reach out. Lastly, don’t let people tell you how to deal with it, not everyone can work through it, not everyone heals by keeping busy, some people need time to let it sink in and heal. Do whats best for you.

-S x

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New Year, Better Me!

HELLO everyone! Happy new year, hope everyone is well and had a good end to 2017. It is me, I am back after having a very long time off to sort myself out and you know what? I am feeling amazing for it! I can not stress enough how important your mental health is so if you need to take that time for yourself then do it, you’ll feel so so much better for it! 

I am so happy to be back and very excited to have been placed on the shortlist to work with some brands which has led to a very exciting opportunity for me but i’ll talk more about that in my next post…no spoilers yet!

Anyways this was just a small post to let you all know i am back and creating new content so..

Watch this space!

 

Sincerely, S x

100 Followers?!

Hello everybody! Hope your Saturday is going well, I’m currently moving into my boyfriends house and organising our room so right now i’m actually just taking a quick break from that because believe me it’s so much hard work!

I am so happy to see that I’ve finally reached 100 followers! My very first goal and milestone is complete and i have all of you to thank for that, so thank you so much for following, reading and commenting it all means a lot! I know on twitter and bloglovin i have over 100 but I’ve finally reached 100 on here which is more important to me!

Again, thank you all so much for the support it means so much! 🙂

Sincerely, S x

Good Morning!

Good morning everybody, just a friendly remember to keep smiling, even if you don’t really feel like it because smiling and having a positive frame of mind can make the day a whole lot better -and easier! If you look at everything in a more positive way and not in a negative way, no matter what’s going on in your life you will feel a lot better! Don’t forget your smile can effect others too! 

Keep smiling, you deserve to be happy:) 

Sincerely,S x