Grief

Hey there, I know its been a hella long time, mainly because i WAS planning on starting up youtube, but then my stupid low self-esteem and life got in the way. I still plan to start-up my channel and will be doing so in the next few weeks but for now, here’s a little post of grief.

My nan passed on April 26th this year, completely sudden, no illnesses, no reason to prepare ourselves, nothing. Anyone who knows me, knows that my nan was my absolute idol, I adored her. I was closer to her than anyone else in my family and i loved her so so so dearly. When i found out she had passed i was actually really ill, I’d lost my voice. But boy did i find it again, screaming, crying, trying to comfort my mum down the phone. The worst time of my life so far, easily. I was even the one who had to break it to my brother, who was actually nearly the one who found her dead. Anyone who has lost a close one knows how hard it really is, and of course everyone deals with it differently.

For me, I couldn’t cope, i couldn’t function. Non stop crying and sinking into the worst place i could be mentally but at the same time wanted to stand strong because of my mum and my younger sister. For my brother it meant seeming fine, but taking anger out on things when he was away from us (he’s autistic and has adhd) so the first thing i want to say about grieving is that just because someone seems ok, it really doesn’t mean that they are. I wanted to be around my family for about a week, only left their house to go home and sleep and then i was straight back in the morning, helping plan, helping out where i can. Crying every time i was home.

To cope with these heavy emotions I decided to focus on my uni deadline which was a week after i found out, because she’d want me to do well, i then came up with a summer project to keep myself busy and so i started to paint. I never painted properly before, hated it in school but i found these relatively good skills as i started top paint her favourite bird, Puffins. Keeping my mind busy helped but it didn’t stop the overwhelming tears that came when night fell. I think the best advice i could give to someone who’s grieving is to just accept it, accept your feelings, let it out because if you bottle it up it’ll only build and build and then come out in a bad wave later on in life. Talk to people, tell them how you feel, they will validate your feelings and make sure you know it’s ok to feel how you do, stay away from people who don’t do this.

I also designed the funeral order of service for her and for people to take home and keep, this made me feel better because I felt like i was doing one last good thing for her.

There are so many resources and sites you can use as well, there’s always someone there to help with your grieving, reach out. Lastly, don’t let people tell you how to deal with it, not everyone can work through it, not everyone heals by keeping busy, some people need time to let it sink in and heal. Do whats best for you.

-S x

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Mini November Haul!

 

Hello everyone, hope everyone is doing well! Today I thought I’d do a little mini haul of these I’ve purchased recently that I really like, all of the products mentioned I either used before or used today before writing this post!

I’ve been on a bit of a makeup hype lately and actually have a M.A.C parcel on its way and a beauty bay one so I imagine there will be another review/haul point coming soon!

Ok lets start, first of all I want to talk about Beauty Bays own palettes that they’re released, I’ve been using Beauty Bay for quite a while now its such a website to find most of your makeup brands all in one place from Jeffree Star to ABH! I was SHOOK when I saw they were realising their own palettes, and honestly they’re so good, there’s 3 altogether ‘Evolve’, ‘Identity’ and ‘Origin’. They’re all very different from more natural colours, to going out, to bright and bold. But can we talk about the fact that you get 42 shades and they’re only £25?! Plus the pan size is huge!!! I also like the fact that they’ve created a grid system, so along the top you have numbers and down the side you have the areas on the eyes you’d put each colour (creases,liner,transition etc) so you can actually follow the columns down and create beautiful looks which is so handy if you struggle with matching colours together or for beginners.

 

Next are some fab finds I found in TKMaxx, much to my surprise! The ABH powder contour palette in light and the Tarte Tarteist ‘Pro Glow on the Go’ palette. I was so surprised to see these there because I always end up going on days where most of the good stuff has gone, but I’m so happy to have found these! They were both £19.99 when the ABH is usually £42 and Tarte is usually £36, that’s crazy! I used both of these today for the first time and I was impressed! I used the ABH palette for my contour and bronzer, they worked well for my skin tone however I wasn’t expecting the pigment to be so strong so I ended up applying too much…oops, I then used the Tarte palette for the highlight. It was quite a nice natural highlight, I think it looked really nice but those who like blinding highlighters won’t have appreciated this one as much. Even though I was impressed by both items I definitely would not have paid full price for them.

I picked up a Real Techniques Body Complexion Sponge because I’ve seen so many youtubers use it and thought it would make doing my foundation easier and it definitely did!. I picked pop a Mario Badescu facial spray from urban outfitters as I really like facial sprays and so many people have spoken about it, it’s now part of my daily routine I spray before I apply my makeup and after I’ve taken it off. It’s so refreshing. And lastly the Garnier Moisture bomb tissue mask, I’ve used this so many times now. I have quite dry skin especially in the winter, so these do my skin wonders and I definitely recommend to anyone else with dry skin!

 

So thats my mini hauls guys, i will be back with a review/ haul whenb my parcels arrive but in the mean time is there anything you want to read? Let me know!!

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The Finished Look, edited on Polarr.

-S x

twitter- @_omgsxph

insta- @_heyitssophiee_

 

Depression, Stress,Anxiety and A possible eating disorder? Lets talk.

*possible triggering content, please do not read if you’re vulnerable to triggers*
So i know i don’t post as regularly as i should and trust me that makes me feel BAD but i work a lot and when i’m not working i just like to chill…plus the fact that i struggle to actually think of blog content that people might actually want to read. Anyways we’re about to get REAL. No statistical facts, no stereotypical views. Just real life experiences from my life with depression anxiety and all the rest.
Lets start with the big D, calm your filthy minds, I’m talking about depression. Yes i know I’ve already done 2 posts about it, how dare I, but its something that isn’t spoken about enough so here i am talking about it a little more. Let’s start with the basics, depression is not feeling sad because you broke a nail, it’s not being upset because your pet passed away. In fact, those of us that are depressed don’t really feel all that sad at all. I feel numb, an awful sensation of nothingness flowing through my veins, i stare off without realising and then struggle to actually refocus. I feel like everyone around me is moving fast and i’m stuck, not moving at all. It’s easy to smile through this and pretend things are OK, i’m getting good at that now. Then there’s the struggle of actually pursuing the day, getting out of bed, washing, getting dressed can seem like a marathon that isn’t worth running. Some days everything is easy, i can feel again then others days its a fast and hard crash. I feel nothing, but i want to feel something and at the lowest point that’s when i hurt myself. To feel. I won’t go into detail but just know that those of us that have self harmed for reasons other than to gain attention, we feel nothing but guilt after, so we don’t need you to add to that. I believe i have something more than depression, i can be hyper emotional and become overwhelmed with too many emotions and it becomes a real struggle to function. Thankfully i haven’t experienced that lately, i’m in a great place with great, supportive people around me. I’m Ok, in my sense of the words.
Next is stress, i think some people don’t realise that stress can make you ill, it can make you sick, give you headaches and just knock your immune system down. You have to learn what your calming technique is, whether its taking a walk, taking a break from social media, reading a book or doing yoga. TAKE A BREAK. Nothing in this world is worth deteriorating your health for. I’ve had literal mental breakdowns from stress and it’s really not nice. You cant sleep, eat or chill because all you can think about is the thing your stressing about and it drives you insane. So believe me when i say, you need to take that step back.
A is for Anxiety, i’m thankful to say that my anxiety is only mild, but unfortunately its over the smallest, most insignificant things. For example, in my job i have to spend all day talking to customers, answering the phone to people and doing tannoy calls over the shop when i need someone, but when it comes to having to do a tannoy announcement that’s longer than a few words like i’m used to, i physically can not do it, i freeze up and feel like i’m about to throw up. Or when i need to make a phone else where i just cant, it sucks and i wish my brain didn’t work the way it does but don’t we all? Then there’s cooking, i cant bring myself to cook when there’s other people around me other than my mum, weird right? So when my boyfriend is over i just wont eat unless he decides to cook, and i house share so if the others are around i just wont do it, my brain wont let me. I know there’s people out there with much worse conditions of anxiety than me and i know its easier said than done but what i found helps me best is to just force myself to do it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t but you don’t know until you try and you feel so much better if it does work.
Now for the self diagnosed possibility of an eating disorder. I’m not encouraging people to google search there symptoms and diagnose themselves but having previously been on the very edge of one, i know the signs and they’re flashing at me. Now i don’t know if i have body dismorphic disorder, an eating disorder, both or nothing but i’m just gunna share my story. I’ve always been obsessed with my figure and my weight and i had a lot of ‘puppy’ fat when i was younger but i believe this to be the route of my depression, i got to a stage where the only meal i ate was dinner and it wasn’t a big plate. I became skinny, i was happy with myself but i wasn’t healthy, i had blackouts i was underweight and i turned down food i knew would make me gain weight. I was borderline anorexic. I then slowly ate more, gained weight, got to a healthy weight and then started to go past that stage and ended up in the same position as i was in before i lost all the weight. Unhappy, disgusted by myself and looking at food and only seeing ‘i’m gunna make you fat’. That’s where i am now, I can’t bare to see myself in the mirror, i have to either not look or cover them up. I wont wear t-shirts in public, only baggy jumpers regardless of the weather and temperature, because they show my arms and my figure too much. I wont take food because i feel guilty after eating but then sometimes i’ll binge eat crap and feel bad about it later on. Its really hard for me to explain to people just how upset it makes me and how tiring it actually is to feel like this. It’s so emotionally draining. I don’t even know if the way i see myself is actually how i am anymore because sometimes i see myself and a walking dumpling and others as a victoria’s secret model. Its a battle i have with myself everyday and i’m losing. I pray that no one has to go through these feelings but sadly i know that there’s many who do.

Please seek help, and if you’re not the one struggling then keep an eye out for those around you. Some of us are really good at pretending we’re okay.
I’ve started a fundraiser for a young suicide prevention organisation if anyone wants to get involved. I’ll post the link below 🙂

Sincerely, S x

Let’s Talk: Mental Health 0.2 Getting Through Your Day with Depression

I’m not saying the things I mention will cure your depression, I’m not a doctor and depression is never that simple. I’m not even saying these things will work for everyone. Everybody works differently. I’m just suggesting ways to make living with it just that little bit easier for you, and hopefully, if what i do suggest doesn’t work, you can come up with something that will by using my examples. It’s important to remember that you are not your depression. You are you, the depression is just an unwanted roommate that only your mind can get rid of. So, to live alongside this unwanted roomie of yours until they disappear for good you should find and do things that ease the experience.

One way of doing this is finding your vice. No, i don’t mean smoking, alcohol, or drugs. With a fragile mind these can lead you down a dark path and we really don’t want that. Also, as easy as it is for me to say it, please please please avoid self harming. This isn’t a vice. It’s a way of punishing yourself when you have no reason to. I know, I’ve been there. Having so many emotions bottled up that that’s the only way you can think of expressing them, or not being able to feel at all and harming yourself is the one way you can feel something. But this isn’t living with it, or escaping it. It’s giving the depression more power over yourself than you have. You are strong, you are caring and you can get through this. Your body is a temple, don’t destroy it. Worship it.

For me, my vice is listening to music, in headphones, in my own company. It’s one of the very few occasions that I  feel fully and completely happy. I can’t even begin to explain how important music is to me and how so many bands have helped me through the worst times of my life. I also like to draw, having my mind set on just completing the picture is often enough to keep it of the numbing thoughts. Unfortunately though, it requires motivation and time and I often have one without the other. So finding a hobby that you enjoy will really help, it could be walking, hiking, swimming, doing some photography in your spare time, blogging like me, or something artsy. Whatever suits you best but the worst thing for you to do when you have free time to sit around doing nothing, as much as everyone needs to relax from time to time, sitting with just your thoughts isn’t good for anyone.

Another idea would be to see friends as often as possible, don’t push people away, don’t distance yourself. They’ll be there when you need them and having a good time is more than enough to keep your mind off of other things. Plus, knowing they are enjoying your company makes you feel wanted and confident and just overall happy.

Now the boring but vital part. If your physical health begins to drop then your mental health will just follow, keep physically healthy and trust me it’ll make a difference. You’ll feel less tired, run down and weak just by making sure you’re well rested. I’m not saying loads of sleep will make you feel completely better but it will stop you feeling worse as a result of tiredness and you’ll have the energy to be able to deal with overwhelming feelings that could happen through out the day. Eating healthy and being more psychically active will help you feel confident in yourself, happy from the endorphins you’ll realise and you’ll feel accomplished from sticking to something. The activity doesn’t have to be a major sport and you don’t have to cut everything out of your diet, just a gentle activity like a small jog, a walk or yoga will do and no eating quite as much junk as you usually would. Whatever you do you should make sure you choose something you enjoy so that you are more likely to stick to it, there’s no point in choosing something you don’t enjoy and forcing your self to do it. Lastly, make sure you LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, this includes all the simple tasks, getting out of bed, showering and keeping up your personal hygiene, staying hydrated, sleeping at good times, eating, staying motivated, these small tasks can improve your mood unexpected amounts.

Sorry for the long post but i  really hope these posts are giving at least one person some help. As always i’m always available to talk to about anything, even if you just want me to listen. My Twitter; @_omgsxph.

P.s There’s this really cute self care App called Aloe Bud and it lets you choose tasks that you want to make sure you do and set reminders for you to do them. It’s helped me a lot and i’ve only had it 3 days! Would definitely recommend 😀

 

Sincerely, S x

Let’s Talk: Mental Health

Hello everyone! Something different this time. I’ve decided that, although I love makeup and all things beauty related, beauty isn’t an ‘important’ topic. I’m going to be posting “let’s talk” posts at least once a week, I hope, on topics that people can hopefully relate to. Today’s one is as it says in the title, mental health.

I can’t begin to express just how important having good mental health is. People seem to not care about it because it’s not physical and you “cant see it”. In reality you can see it, if you actually pay attention to those around you and realise what you are seeing, you can see it so easily and this is what we need to do more.

That boy who throws up when he’s in a group of people he doesn’t really know? He’s suffering with severe anxiety. That girl who seems “moody”, “anti social”, tired and “out of it”? She’s suffering form depression and is likely feeling like she’s all alone. People ignore these signs but they’re the ones we need to look out for.

As a sufferer of both depression and anxiety I know how overwhelming it can feel and just how lonely it can feel at the same time. I’m thankful I have a level of anxiety I can cope with, I just get anxious of the REALLY silly things like playing games in front of people. But these aren’t irrational and it’s important to remember that just because you don’t see the reason to be worried, doesn’t mean its an irrational fear. Don’t make someone feel little about something they feel is a big deal.

As for depression, there’s so many small signs you can look out for in someone to know whether they may have it or not. Knowing them means you can offer help or be someone they can talk to. It can be incredibly hard for a sufferer to just go about their daily lives. They’ll often find it hard to get out of bed for reason they can’t explain and when they do it’s a great accomplishment to them. Here’s a few things to look out for in your loved ones and nearest and dearest:

• being down and withdrawn

• constantly tired

• irritable

• lack of motivation (usually to do with getting out of bed or doing daily things such as showering)

• seeming “zoned out”

• losing interest in things that usually make them happy

• low sex drive

• change in eating habits (overeating or losing appetite)

As for anxiety signs, they’re different for different people but the common ones are panic attacks and feeling/being sick.

Having a mental health problem is often just as bad as having a physical health problem and some people are suffering a lot more, finding it a lot harder to come out of it. Many believe that death is the only way out. If you look out for the signs, listen to people and provide support you can make someone life a much less lonely place. However, do not let someone with poor mental health manipulate you into thinking you have to revolve around them otherwise they’ll hurt themselves. This will only bring you down too.

Just look, listen and let’s end the stigma and drop the suicide statistics.

Thank you

Sincerely, S x

Big Collective Haul! Superdrug&Primarko

Hello everybody! Hope you’re all well. So I’ve been on a couple of shopping trips and I’ve been gathering items and products up now so I decided to do a sort of collective haul. The majority is actually makeup but there’s a couple other bits from primark which aren’t that I’ll include at the end.

Let’s get started! So first up I was SO excited when I saw that E.l.f was actually in the Superdrug store because for some reason I thought it was only on the website, not sure why but I really wanted to try some of their products. I picked up the primer in the moisturising version (£7.50), the Lip Exfoliator in ‘Sweet Cherry’ (£4.50) (it’s smells amazing!), I also got the brow cream in ‘medium brown’ (£5.00) and the cream eyeliner in black (£4.50). I can’t wait to test these products out and if you want a review post on any of these products please let me know in the comments☺️

Next I noticed that Nip and Fab had a half price sale on and I’ve been really wanting to try their products but the prices always threw me off. Whilst they had the sale on I decided to pick up the powder contour palette in Light (£7.50, usually £15) Again, if you want a post of reviewing this then let me know!

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I picked up a back up of the MUA kohl eyeliner pencil in black because it’s literally £1 and so pigmented, it’s something I use daily so having a back up comes in handy. I also picked up the new Prism Loose Powder Highlighter in ‘Oceanic Wonder’ and I swear when I opened it and some of it like puffed up it was SO pretty like a unicorn sneeze. Weird description, I know, but that’s the only way I can explain it.

I don’t really wear foundation but I thought I’d invest in one that quite a few people have spoken about, I picked up the L’Oréal True match foundation in 1.N Ivory because I have quite pale skin but natural undertones, I tried it today and it’s actually a really good match, it doesn’t feel dry on my skin which it good because I have dry skin anyways so I didn’t want anything too matte else all the patches show up. I really like this foundation, it’s not heavy either it’s very lightweight doesn’t feel cakey at all, I love it.

I am a sucker for the products and things they put by the checkouts and when I saw three baskets full of Models Own products for just £1.12 each (I know right?!) I had to have a look and pick some bits up! I mean, at that price it doesn’t even matter if they turn out to be a bit rubbish. I picked up the Tea Tree Healer Concealer in the shade 02 which is fairly light but not too light. I picked up a ‘Lix’ which is a Liquid matte Lipstick, in the shade ‘Raspberry Mojito’ which is quite a nice purple, a ‘Luxestick’ matte lipstick in the shade ‘Ciao’ which is a lovely pinky/red shade and finally a Sculpt and Glow highlighter stick in the shade Incandescent 03. It’s a purple toned highlighter but not so purple that, that’s all you see. I’m really happy with these little bargains and can’t wait to try them out to see if they’re actually really good or if they’re worth the price.

This post is much longer than I thought it was going to be and part of me wishes I did YouTube vids so that you guys could listen rather than having to read all of these but I just don’t have the confidence for that even though I’ve wanted to start a channel for SO long now.

Anyways the next brand I went to was Freedom makeup. Freedom is by the same company as Makeup Revolution called Tam Beauty and both brands are SO good and super affordable. I think I own enough Makeup Revolution to own a pop up shop but that’s besides the point! I picked up one of their empty palettes (£3) because they were also doing half price on some items so I grabbed a load of the eyeshadow, contour and highlight pans to go with it. I got 1 contour pan in shade number 2 which is a cool toned contour shade perfect for paler people like me. I got a pack of 3 highlight pans in the shades ‘Side Chick’, ‘Oh Boy’ and ‘Trust Issues’ (LOVE the names btw) they’re the more golden toned highlighters, the other pack was more pink toned. I also picked up a pack of 5 eyeshadow pans in the shades ‘Delicious’, ‘Sugar Rush’, ‘Icing’, ‘Brown Sugar’ and ‘So sweet’. This pack was quite a neutral set with two pale shades for setting your primer then three browns for transitions and darkening the crease for a natural look. There were singles eyeshadow pans too so I picked up two in the shade 9 (matte) and shade 8 (shimmer). I needed some new brow products so I picked up their duo brow powder in medium brown, usually I would’ve picked up the shade Taupe but I think they’ve discontinued that shade so I mix the two shades in this one instead.

You can never have too many brushes right? So I picked up the Real Techniques luxury edition Ultimate eyes brush set and honestly I couldn’t believe it was only £7.49!! It comes with 5 brushes in total, including 2 exclusives brushes which are the essential crease brush and the eye liner brush, and also exclusive to this set is the mirror to go case which is going to come in handy when I go away in a few weeks. But can you believe the whole set was only £7.49?! I can’t!! My boyfriend also bought me the Powder Brush and the Sponge from the Brush Crush collection but I’m not allowed them until Valentine’s Day because they’re gifts😬 but I’m so excited to use them😍.df879197-11fb-4c9c-90c8-cdb56b4ea6e5

That’s the Superdrug part over and done with FINALLY, now a few bits I got from primark. First of all I picked up a oversized makeup bag so I can put all my beauty bits in one place when I go away, I love the pattern and the colours of it and this was just £5. I also picked up a plastic container for my cotton pads I used for makeup removing, I was honestly to excited when I saw it (sad I know) because I was tired of having a massive pack of cotton pads lying around and now they’re tidy and look nice on my vanity. Then I picked up three lip products because I was curious about the quality of Primark makeup and some of it was on sale so I just grabbed a few to try out. I picked up a Satin finish liquid lipstick (£1) in the shade ‘Selfie’ which is a cool toned purple shade, I then picked up a metallic liquid lipstick lip kit (£1) in the shade ‘Dynamite’, a deep purply red shade, and a Matte liquid lipstick (£3) in the shade ‘Flutter’, a cool toned nude pink. And finally I picked up some fluffy socks because when I’m at home I always have cold feet and these are my go to so I always pick some up as they’re so affordable.

So that’s all for this post, I hope you guys enjoy reading it. Let me know in the comments if you want swatches or reviews of anything in the post!

Sincerely, S x

twitter: @_beautybyS

instagram; @_heyitssophiee_

New Year, Better Me!

HELLO everyone! Happy new year, hope everyone is well and had a good end to 2017. It is me, I am back after having a very long time off to sort myself out and you know what? I am feeling amazing for it! I can not stress enough how important your mental health is so if you need to take that time for yourself then do it, you’ll feel so so much better for it! 

I am so happy to be back and very excited to have been placed on the shortlist to work with some brands which has led to a very exciting opportunity for me but i’ll talk more about that in my next post…no spoilers yet!

Anyways this was just a small post to let you all know i am back and creating new content so..

Watch this space!

 

Sincerely, S x